“My Afterlife” Series ~ Wake Up Call
By Susan Keats, Contributor & Seize-the-Day Propagandist
Greetings from my after life.
I’m not dead yet, by the way, but I had a glimpse of my death recently and I realized, upon considering it, that I was completely unprepared to have it arrive so soon. Why is it that sometimes we need a good kick in the teeth every so often to get us to sit up and pay attention?
My kick came in the form of cancer on a routine mammogram. There’s nothing like a good cancer diagnosis to push you into a state of acute awareness. Hello, this is your WAKE UP call!
Suddenly there I was, crying until I couldn’t cry any more, scared like I’d never been scared before. I spent many hours sobbing through such thoughts as, “but I was supposed to live to be 90!” And, “This is the end? I’m finished? How can this be true?” I wondered why, why? I’ve always been healthy. I don’t fit the profile of a person who typically gets a cancer diagnosis. For goodness’ sake, my best friend from college still likes to tell everyone about how I once offered her pea pods as a snack.
What followed the diagnosis was a whirlwind of medical tests, biopsies, assorted painful things, surgery, then the inevitable sickness of chemo and the weariness of radiation therapy. I lost my hair, I gained nearly 20 pounds. But strangely, what emerged from the whole experience once it was finally over was a metamorphosis of sorts. I re-emerged as if I had been living in an alternate world. I saw so many things clearly now. I deserved a really beautiful pair of butterfly wings.
Because I had been so sick, I now understood how wonderful it is to feel well. I had been so complacent before. I had so easily put things off for some later time. Now, because I had to face that I could die, I found the strongest desire to live life, to go, to do, to experience, to see things!
Maybe the thing to appreciate about the whole experience is the metamorphosis: the rising of oneself from the depths of feeling sick and sorry for yourself and unable to move, to the heights of just feeling good again. Just plain ol’ every day good. It’s a metamorphosis of appreciation and surviving, of body and really of self too. It’s cliche and it’s profound.
So what’s your situation? Huh? Waiting for those kids to get older before you take that trip? Feeling like you can’t spend a little money to learn to tap dance, even though you think you might be pretty good at it? Geez, do you need me to grab your shoulders and shake you up? I hate to have to say it, but life might be shorter than you are anticipating. Now is the time my friend. Now.
These days, when I wake up, I focus on how good I feel, how lucky I am to be feeling that way, and it truly makes my heart soar with happiness. I’ve learned so much, and realize that so many good things have emerged from the bad. Life is good. This is my after life. Life AFTER cancer. There’s lots of living to do. Gonna go get myself a pair of tap shoes!
Dear Seize-the-Day Propagandist, Thank you for sharing your journey with me/us. Today – I shall wake up and shake it up and appreciate ‘just plain feelin’ good to the tune of James Brown, “I Feel Gooooddd” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgDrJ5Z2rKw …
Janice
Beautiful essay. Thank you so very much. Your inspirational words help me to take care of myself, too. We are all human. Love, Mia.
Wonderful, Sue, and bravo for sharing your innermost feelings when you received the diagnosis. What you are left with from the experience is the understanding that we live surrounded by mystery, that we are ourselves part of the mystery. The feelings of wonder is, to my mind, natural once one allows herself to become aware of the imponderables, and that almost everything is, in one way or another, imponderable. It comforts me to know that everything evolves, that we have every reason to think that we are part of that evolution, that after here, there is a there, that all processes are, in one way or another, endless.
Thank you for sharing your “wake up call”…..it’s astonishing how most of us take so much for granted. I hope your story inspires everyone to appreciate life more, it did for me.
Thanks for the beautiful and insightful comments. I’m dance’n along with James Brown, pondering what is imponderable and happy to be here sharing with everyone. I feeeeeel nice, sugar and spice! Oooh yea! Susan
Sue: I loved your blog because I am going thru a clinical trial right now for a new anti-thyroid cancer drug and I have been asking myself: “Is IT WORTH GOING THROUGH ALL THIS?” Of course it is, when I look at the big picture rather than the mini side-effects I am dealing with. Like your chemo, my horse pills have given me skin eruptions, and some hair loss as well as other non-descript reactions to being on a strange drug.
But I want to be around to see what my grandchildren are doing with their lives; I want to see what happens next in the great story of life.
Thanks for sharing – it hit home, and I will wake up tomorrow to “smell the roses.”
Sandy
Thanks for writing this. Don’t often stop to think about the -what ifs-but after reading your article I am reminded of how precious life is and how fortunate I am . And for this I am very grateful. Rene
Wow!! You are amazing. Congrats on the creation and inspiration. I’ll be waiting on the next post. (I’ll get you in the favorites with Margaret and Helen!
Sue, This soooo cool!!! Your beautiful, sparkling creative energy comes through clear as a bell, and it makes me smile to know you are HERE alive & kicking!!!!!! Lucky us! Keep up the amazing vibe in the blog. I can’t wait to see where you take us next …. Xoxo
Wonderful essay, Sue. This is the silver lining of serious illness– that it makes us appreciate life more and notice what is important (tho we wouldn’t wish the disease on anyone!). Some people may not realize the truths that you’ve learned, so thanks for spelling it out for us!
Remember this? Thanks for prodding us, Sue, and for modeling incredible courage in the face of fear.
HAPPY. NEW. YEAR! And yes, feeeeel good! With love~
“To often we are scared.
Scared of what we might not be able to do.
Scared of what people might think if we tried.
We let our fears stand in the way of our hopes.
We say no when we want to say yes.
We sit quietly when we want to scream.
Why?
After all, we only go around once.
There’s really no time to be afraid.
So stop.
Try something you’ve never tried.
Risk it.
Enter a triathlon.
Write a letter to the editor.
Throw away your television.
Bicycle across the United States.
Try skiing.
Try anything.
Travel to a country where you don’t speak the language.
Patent something.
Call him.
You have nothing to lose
and everything
everything
everything to gain.
JUST DO IT!
Thanks everyone for the kind words and all of that great positive feedback! If joy is a vitamin, I am vitamin-enriched! Susan
My beautiful, creative and wonderful friend Sue…thanks for sharing your experiences. Look how many lives you’ve touched in the last 24 hours! And you gave me a reminder of what I too often forget…to seize every day after beating cancer.
Susan,
…I will go dancing with you any day…
Lawrence
Dear Sue, Your BEAUTIFUL light shines bright and thank you for shining it on all of us! I love your deep heartfelt inspiration. Life is so precious and good health the BEST gift ever. May we all enjoy this day and many more to come.
Just waking to see the light of a new day and hear a bird’s song is enough for me; God gift to to make me smile!
Love,
Diane
Now this is my friend Sue!!!! –inspiring, thought provoking, and funny. You have always been a special person…. keep up chica!!!
Good thing I’m not bald anymore! I’d look pretty funny with the big head you all are giving me with such wonderful comments!
Dear Sue i remember all those bad moments, and im sooo happy all those are gone,now it is a past tense, but it made your present life different, so we can just say now: that some positive things were founded in a terrible one, your life changed and im so Happy for you and your Family. you are amazing people, im blessed that God have let me got to meet you!! see ya soon:)
p.s. im sorry for my bad grammar;)
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