New Trend? Say What? Merkin’s Bikini Glam?

By Kristin Fast, Lifestyle Editor and In-House Wit-Cracker

The only way to really get into this post is to request that you follow this link and watch the below video on Fox Fur and Feather Carnivale Merkins, the latest ridiculous way to decorate your bikini zone, and then come back so we can chat…

Good, you've returned. Everyone okay? I can wait a moment if you need water or an Advil…

Now, I have mentioned before that I place an inordinate amount of faith in advertising and have fallen prey to far too many Miracle Infomercials… This weakness has been curbed a bit over the years simply because I fall asleep before 10 pm and everyone knows the really excellent commercials for hair/work-out/skin/riches don't run until after midnight.

I did recently succumb to a surprisingly outrageous bait and switch operation involving a Slushee machine and “magic” ice cubes but that was sorted out for the low restocking cost of $30.00.

Hey, I want to feel beautiful. I want my skin to be luminescent and my hair to be thick and shiny and I want to look as young as I feel (which today, thanks to my overly enthusiastic participation in a stretching class, is 87) and sometimes the work involved with those things, healthy eating habits and regular workouts, just seem like such a snooze that I am occasionally willing to fork over three low payments of $19.99 and in just minutes a day achieve the backside of a teenager samba queen.

The question at hand is this: Does a line in the sand exist? Is there a product that I will not buy into, no matter how awesome/thin/sexy it promises to make me?

Apparently the answer is yes.

And you just watched said line in the form of Fox Fur and Feather Merkins.

I don't care that (allegedly) the vertical placement of the Carnivale Feathers will slim my middle.

People, in the words of Phil Dunphy, WTF?

Have we not all, as a group, agreed that a little tidying of the bikini line is appropriate to the extent that the removal of secondary sex characteristic hair is an actual money making endeavour?

So what is the point of removing all (yes, this little beautification calls for the full monty wax off) only to glue (gag) real fox fur (double gag) or chicken feathers (triple gag) onto one's lady bits?

I just don't see how a woman in a pair pants worn lower than her hip bones with a full hot pink furry happy trail creeping up towards her navel is bringing sexy back?

I realize that, from a woman who owns “toning” sneakers, this might sound a bit hypocritical, so you tell us… what do you think about Merkin Madness?


Would You Try the Foxy or Carnivale Merkin?
Hell to the No! (shout out to the late Whitney Houston)
No, but only as it's too expensive
Maybe, if it were $5
Sure, what the hell?
I already have it… free polls 


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2 Responses to New Trend? Say What? Merkin’s Bikini Glam?

  1. J. Merkin Gibbs says:

    This fad just begs the question…Doesn’t all the feather fanfare get manky from use? Yuck times eleventy thousand!

  2. S. Merkin Mager says:

    Put me down for a Carnival! LOL!

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